the onion, layer one: frank

in case you didn’t know, one of my guilty pleasures is reality tv. in particular, the bachelor and the bachelorette. i think it was during jason & molly/melissa’s season last year when i happened to be checking my facebook page at the same time that i just started making remarks in my status update while i was watching the show. little did i know the craze that would ensue and now, over a year later, there is a forum of folks who ‘meet’ on my page every monday night as we discuss the bachelorette in real time. two of my hometown friends, carrie & caroline, are my ‘co-hostesses’. (i call us two blondes and a brunette.)

i promise there is a point to me telling you all of this and you don’t have to watch the show to get it.

in the midst of making it known just how single i am and how i want to be single and i’m just fine by myself and power to the woman and ‘look at me! i’m single!’ and i’m proud to be single and maybe-i’m-just-meant-to-be-single-forever-and-that’s-okay-with-me and bladisinglenessblah blah blah, this week’s episode REALLY hit a nerve in me.

like, really.


monday night’s episode would have -and did- upset everyone who was a part of the dialogue that night. (if it didn’t, it should have.) frank made some incredibly poor choices and everyone said so. and then there was me. i.was.L I V I D. to the point some of my friends said, “you should write a blog about it!” i knew i would have to wait a few days before i did so, in order to give myself time to unpack why i felt so strongly about it all. i’m not there yet, which is why this particular blog is only ‘layer one of the onion’.

monday night wasn’t about frank and ali. it was about mary kathryn. i’ve had enough therapy to know that i was handed an onion that night and it’s time i start peeling it. crap.

i’m not sure how this is going to work. i know god & myself well enough to know that i probably won’t get just one new revelation about it each day in time to wrap it up in a new, neat little blog to be published by 9:30 each morning. and it won’t be a 3-point sermon, to be sure. what is most likely to happen is i will peel back one layer at a time, mulling over each one for a few days at a time which will culminate here and there as ‘the onion’. and you know how onions are: when raw and plain, they are stinky, strong and they make you cry. and so, it is with great vulnerability i invite you to read my ‘journal’ about this, if you will.

and in the meantime, i am certain i will have other really deep wisdom and inspiring thoughts that will, so stick around for joy.

has anything struck a nerve in you lately that has beckoned your introspection? don’t be afraid. you’re safe.

and for those who haven’t had as much therapy as i have, what did you think of this week’s episode?

11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Karen
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 11:08:06

    love your blog-love it, love it…

  2. Angie Morey
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 11:10:35

    Love you, Mary Kathryn. You rock. Like really. Thanks for sharing your journey w/ us… your honesty and insights are a beautiful thing, indeed!

    p.s. Frank’s actions show he’s got a heckuva lot of growing to do… so much that I’d bet my bottom dollar his relationship w/ Nicole will crash and burn, too. (Although, she earned herself some idiot points by even wanting the guy – so maybe they’re a well-matched pair of duds). Lucky for Ali he at least revealed his idiocy now rather than later.

    • mary kathryn tyson
      Jul 21, 2010 @ 11:17:53

      angiemoreytyson, you stoppit! i love you! p.s. i TOTES agree with you about frank and nicole. it breaks my heart -for HER- that she took him back. i give it six weeks. xo

  3. Allison Hensler
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 11:39:14

    So real and true. When something stirs up so much emotion it has definitelly struck a nerve – I have experienced that more than once myself. I love your onion analogy, I haven’t quite thought of it that way. So thank you for posting your thoughts and feelings so openly.

    • mary kathryn tyson
      Jul 21, 2010 @ 13:36:25

      oh, girl – the onion works for everything. just have to keep peeling back the layers until you get to the core. like in this case, for example, the thing with frank & ali made me hot…okay, so, *why* did it upset me so much?…okay, so, *why* did it bring up that issue?…ah, now we’re getting somewhere… see? works every time. (that is, when stephen ministries tools don’t work.) :)

      thank you for your feedback, alli.


  4. Carolyn Poteet
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 12:41:33

    MK, I soooo get what you’re saying!! Here’s a possible theory of Ali & Frank and All of Us Who Have Done Dumb Relationships (myself included!!): You know how when a bell is whole, and it resonates, it makes a beautiful sound, but if it gets hit at a cracked point, it clatters – or can even shatter? I think some people are like that with us. Some bring out the beautiful sound in us, and some hit us right on our cracks. What we think at first is resonance (because, hey, for once, there’s a sound!), is actually dissonance. I was really surprised at watching Ali and Frank and the obvious chemistry they had together. But it was weird. It wasn’t healthy. Like the day she had a horrible cold, and yet she went out in the rain with him to make sure he was okay. She was always going toward him, where with the other guys, they were always going toward her. Frank was bringing out some hidden crack in her that we couldn’t see but it was certainly there.

    For some reason that made me think of that funny line from Sleepless in Seattle – “Annie, when you’re attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.”

    That would have been the description of what happens when two crack(pots) line up.

    All of us certainly have cracks. But with God, and a lot of love, and a lot of forgiveness (and therapy!), we hopefully can find someone with whom we can truly resonate. And make bee-U-tiful music together (sorry, just had to say that!)

    anyway, just a theory. Love you!!! and love spending Mondays with y’all!

    • mary kathryn tyson
      Jul 21, 2010 @ 13:31:53

      oh, believe me, carolyn – codependency will be addressed. :)

      thank you for the primo example of the night she went out to make sure he was okay when she had a cold. (how many relationships have i been in like that?)

      love the bell analogy. i think, in the end, i think it is still true that i am best off being single right now. but…well, i think it’s what i’ll be getting into tomorrow, actually, so i’ll just save it for then.

      thank you for your feedback, carolyn. it is always welcome here. :)


  5. Cathy THompson
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 14:44:43

    I love your blog too, your honesty is so refreshing….

    My reaction to Frank was “how dumb”. Maybe because I’m older and know myself etc. Most of those shows are entertaining but the relationships don’t last which is sad.

    MK, could you imagine yourself starting out with 25 men and in a few weeks deciding to marry one of them? It’s called a reality show, but there’s no reality in it, traveling the world etc.

    Keep writing


    • mary kathryn tyson
      Jul 21, 2010 @ 14:53:09


      i don’t know why reading what you wrote feels like i’m hearing it for the first time. you are EXACTLY right.

      the onion for me has little to do with the show itself. like i said, it just presented my own onion to me. :)

      nevertheless, it is so refreshing to be reminded of this. you are so, SO right.

      as always, thank you for your support. i can’t tell you what you mean to me.


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