the joy of cooking.
29 Sep 2011 21 Comments
so, the irony isn’t lost at me, not one bit, that the second to last one word for the just write! campaign would be wedding.
and then that the very last one-word for the just write! campaign would be
(wait for it…)
oh, believe me, i know. go on and laugh, make your jokes. it cracks me up, too.
you know what’s especially ironic?
when i was falling asleep the other night, i heard in my spirit, ‘i want you to take a sabbatical from talking about singleness.’ and so i will. but then i pulled this word and so i guess the sabbatical starts tomorrow?
i fried eggplant tonight so i can make eggplant parmesan for dinner tomorrow night for my sister, hanners, and my friend julie before we go to a revival at a hispanic church down the road.
and i’m sitting on my couch in a crazy mix of mismatched flannel and polka dots in a sea of paper i went through last night for the classes i teach. i made some new educational bingo cards, too, for my old-people class and i went to bed at 2 a.m.
tonight might not be much different and i’m not real sad, nor do i care too much, about that. i’ll wake up tomorrow and those papers will still be sitting on the floor where i left them until i decide to pick them up (which will be later today because it will drive me bonkers).
and i don’t know why -not all the reasons, anyway- i don’t wish to be married. not that i wouldn’t want to be…but that it’s not my heart’s deepest longing right now and hasn’t been for a while. as if that ship has sailed. or something.
(believe me, i think there’s something wrong with me, too.)
i actually like sleeping alone better than i ever have sleeping with someone.
i really appreciate that i don’t have to answer to anyone or ask permission to do anything. i can up and go whenever and wherever without having to consider someone else. call me selfish, but i can’t really help it since, well, i’m just me and all.
truthfully, i can’t think of any of my couple-friends who make me think ‘yes, THAT. THAT’s what i want.’ in fact, several couples i know make me think, ‘oh, hell no. not me. not ever. no way, no how.’ and, among those…well, the grass is or isn’t always greener.
i haven’t had a boyfriend -not one single one in my adult-years- who has made me want to be married more than i enjoy being single.
and i would rather be single the rest of my life than married to the wrong person.
but there’s something amiss, i realize. and whatever it is, god is working it out in me.
truth? i’m nervous that i’m one of those people that would just be better off not getting married and i wonder if that’s okay by me. i wonder if it would be okay for my people if i was one of those people.
which, right now? signs point to a resounding ‘yes’.
because i can’t imagine getting married just for the sake of getting married because any idiot can get married and that’s the unfortunate gospel-truth.
it’s thundering now so i’m going to spread out like a star in my bed and sleep real well alone because that’s what i do.
oh, and just so you know,
i burnt the first batch of eggplant.
ack! i looked at my timer because i was just write, write, writing away, waiting for it to go off, and apparently it had already gone off. (which is strange because i have been sitting right next to it this whole time.)
thanks to everyone who has participated in the just write! campaign for the month of september. we will continue to pull from the jar on occasion, but in the meantime, i have a couple of blog-ideas for the coming weeks so it seems our experiment worked for me!
it’s been a pleasure, y’all.
xo
Sep 29, 2011 @ 01:15:50
Oh…how ironic!
Thanks for being an awesome host this month! I’ve loved writing these. And I can’t wait to hear about your new blog-ideas!
Marriage
Honestly, I don’t really think about marriage that much. I guess that’s good, considering the stage of life I’m in right now.
My grandparents recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. That number just astonishes me and I am so proud to be their granddaughter.
I am so glad to have so many marriages in my life to be able to model my own after one day. I thank God that He has given me the gift of wonderful role models of marriage in my life.
This was just a jumble of thoughts…oh well!
Sep 29, 2011 @ 07:35:56
When I was your age, Tay-Tay, I think it was *all* I could think about. I was so intent on finding The One (and I ‘found’ him about 37+ times in my life).
I thot my identity would be found in someone else. (And it was.
)
LOVE that about your grandparents. Mine were all married for a thousand years, too. I always wanted that, the longevity of a long and happy life with someone where you are their legacy.
Thanks for being such an active participant in the Just Write! Campaign! You are the best!
xo
Sep 29, 2011 @ 02:04:07
Beautiful MK. One of the glories of being single, the only one who has to eat the cooking mistakes is you. But I get your heart so much, cause its in much the same place as mine. I want to be married but as time goes on I wonder “if ever” because of the dynamics of my relationship with Jesus.
This one is too good just for a comment so I will write on my blog after I get done with work tonight (aka for you: morning) So more to come.
Sep 29, 2011 @ 07:38:27
Me too, Melissa! ‘If ever because of the dynamics of my relationship with Jesus’. I wonder if I’m not better off, like Paul said? But it feels weird to be indifferent to that. Like I’m not supposed to be.
Can’t wait to read your post.
Sep 29, 2011 @ 11:54:07
http://seekfightpray.blogspot.com/2011/09/just-write-marriage.html
Holy marriage means there is less and less distance between.
Sep 29, 2011 @ 06:56:08
Testing to see if this will post— then I’ll rewrite what I just lost!
Sep 29, 2011 @ 07:03:36
oh no! i have comment moderation on just when someone posts for the first time (which you’ve already done), so hopefully it comes through!
love you.
Sep 29, 2011 @ 07:03:03
Interesting— you say the Lord told you to take a “sabbatical” from dwelling on “singleness”.
You pull the word “marriage” out of the jar and take that to mean — you need to write one last time about “singleness”.
I would have the same first response.
Then– I had to ask myself– it I were writing about the word “marriage” and it had to have new framework — Well, I knew EXACTLY where that would take me. Right to the most cherished teaching from your grandfather (Other than learning that Jesus loves ME-ME-ME)– I value his teaching about “The wedding of the natural and supernatural.”
Can’t you just hear his voice right now– opening that up to us?!
What a joyful journey of discovering God in everything and every one that truth has opened up for me. And — despite my singleness (which I loathe, yet cherish for all the reasons you ennumerated), delving into the truth of that spiritual concept has given me knowledge of the deepest, richest, truest UNION that I’ll ever experience.
Save the date— every single day– You’re cordially invited to experience “The Wedding of the Natural and the Supernatural”.
You and I— always HIS Bride.
Now that’s special.
Sep 29, 2011 @ 07:44:46
You are so right. For the sake of the assignment, I just wrote what first came to me, without thinking much about it at all. But you are still right – interesting that would be what comes spilling out.
And what you said also makes me wonder if the Lord is saying ‘don’t talk about singleness’…so that I can consider Marriage. (Which is also really interesting when I think about what He has me focusing on right now…post forthcoming…’)
Yes, I love Granddad’s heart-message of the wedding of the natural and the supernatural.
Also interesting in light The Thing He’s working on in me right now.
More later. Need to explore all of this. It will come up again, to be sure.
Love you.
xo
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sep 29, 2011 @ 09:12:32
Gosh. It’s over already? *sniff* Well, say a prayer that I can continue on my own…
Thanks for sharing your thoughts from a “single” perspective. Marriage is difficult and can look difficult to others, but it is worth the pain and suffering. No one said being grafted together would be easy.
Lotsa love,
Steph
Sep 29, 2011 @ 12:05:50
I KNOW that it’s worth it for those who are called to it…I guess, my thought is…marriage is the least reversible of the two, so…is it really the best choice for me?
I don’t know the answer, and it’s definitely not a judgment on anyone else, who either has or hasn’t chosen it.
I have a hard enough time tending to myself!
God is showing me some of the rhyme and reason to all of this…I’ll share more in the next week or so.
And, p.s. Yes, you can do it on your own! You’re in the habit now! Create your own jar of words if you need to keep going! I believe in you – your words have power, friend.
Thank you SO much for being so great to do this with me every day. It’s meant so much to me to find you here (and on your own blog) every day.
Love you.
xo
Sep 29, 2011 @ 09:13:31
Interesting you feel that God wants you to take a break from talking about singleness. Sometimes I wonder if I write about it too often but then I remember that it is the lens through which I view life, just as married people view life through that particular lens. Even though there are days I definitely don’t want to be single, there are days that it’s pretty darn nice. So I guess my hope is that I communicate that balance on my blog. Something I’m going to try to be a little more aware of.
I get nervous about the same thing. And though I’m glad I’ve never settled or been right about the ones I thought could be the One, I’m not quite OK with doing life solo indefinitely. But I guess if that’s my lot in life, then my attitude will adjust. God’s cool like that.
Sep 30, 2011 @ 06:43:55
it’s just for me, friend. i think you strike a healthy balance. i feel like my attitude has been the same for a long time, in spite of the work god’s been doing in my heart over the last year or two. but i come back to the same place, so i think it’s time i just stop mentioning it and let it be what it’s going to be. again, though, god’s working on something else in my heart that is related but not, so i think that’s where my attentions are supposed to lie right now.
p.s. i don’t think it’s anyone’s ‘lot in life’ who is ‘not okay with going solo indefinitely’. don’t you worry.
xo
Sep 29, 2011 @ 10:24:18
Well, I feel exceptionally bad that I’m only just now participating in your just write! campaign, though I’ve been reading along. I think it is wonderful that you would rather be single the rest of your life than married to the wrong person because trust me when I say that even with the right person marriage is A LOT OF WORK! Most of the time I think it’s just luck because there was no way I could have planned or anticipated my marriage being what it is. I am ashamed to say that most of the time I forget all the times he has proven himself when I wasn’t even expecting it, and I like so many others hold on too tightly to those times when he has proven just as imperfect as I am.
Sep 29, 2011 @ 11:49:50
{I like so many others hold on too tightly to those times when he has proven just as imperfect as I am.}
My students are looking up words in the dictionary right this minute. The first one that they’re all stuck on is ‘graceful’.
I can think of no greater definition than what you’ve just described.
I don’t know what it’s like to be married but I’ve only heard that it’s hard work that I can imagine would only be rewarding, if not challenging. The question I ask myself -at 34 and single- is…do I even want to accept that challenge if I don’t have to choose it? Does that make sense?
10 years ago I wouldn’t have hesitated to say ‘YES!’…now I’m not so sure. Either I’m old and ornery or God is settling me.
It’s ok that you haven’t joined in until today, friend! I’m just glad to have you! I’ll head over to your house this afternoon.
xo
Sep 29, 2011 @ 12:52:55
A good relationship is worth the investment. I think it’s important to realize that you don’t get the wonderful rewards without it. And that investment is so much greater than you realize. I didn’t settle for the man I married, though sometimes I forget that he wasn’t just the one I chose, but the one that IS right for me. Let me know what you think after you read my post for today.
Sep 29, 2011 @ 12:58:53
I totally agree…and I guess it may just boil down to not having found that person yet (that I know of). Suffice it to say, I’ve made a lot of poor investments.
Taught something by each of them, not sorry for them…just…well, just have made the right investment yet is all, I guess. 
I’ll hop on as soon as I’m done with my classes for the day. Can’t wait to read.
Sep 29, 2011 @ 18:31:52
I think you have to be a person before you can be a female. You have to be a female before you can be a daughter. You have to be a daughter before you can be a woman. You have to be a woman before you can be a wife. You have to be a wife before you can be a mother. All of those positions can be physical and spiritual, or just spiritual. But when we skip a step or go out of order for whatever reason – loss, hurt, legitimacy, lack of intimacy, lack of parenting received – the backtracking or the compensation, either one, is gonna be ugly. Painful. Possible, but like so many things, harder than it had to be.
Cause one thing is for sure. Marriage is not about losing yourself in or for another human. It should be about two humans, each first married to God, coming into covenant before Him for His glory. Its an additional call, rather than a substitute (read:idol). Fulfilling, but not a prerequisite for fulfillment.
I think most of us in the church have had some unfortunate teaching about marriage. And I think God wants us to be equipped to go into a human marriage, if we choose and are called to, for synergy not codependency. To increase our power to do Kingdom work, not be a great fit for each others’ woundedness.
There is such blessing in working these things out beforehand…
Five minutes up. Not re-reading before I hit the button because…yikes.
Sep 29, 2011 @ 18:43:23
So good and so true, Catherine. There’s an order put into place for a reason. How many of us have gotten it so wrong, at whatever place in the process we find ourselves, not to mention the damage that’s done when we step into (any) relationship when we’ve resisted or rushed or taken for granted the process.
Can’t believe you said all of that in five minutes.
Love you.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry