i was talking to my little sister last night on skype, and my niece. i was showing them the snow on the ground outside my door and we started laughing about how it is i am out here in the middle of the country and they are halfway around the world for me and how everything and nothing has changed.
she has my couches. i know her home. i lived there. my niece, almost 6 now…gosh, i can’t believe she is already almost six, this child that i can’t live without but am managing somehow…i was there when she came into the world and i never left her until god said five years later, “thank you, now go into the rest of my world” and there has been grace, even for the longing.
they haven’t been able to visit me here yet. and yet here i have this world, this life, my new home out here for almost a year now that they are and are not a part of and oh, how i miss them so.
but i have family and forged friendships here in this new place, this new space god calls mine and i have partnered with him and said “yes” and a year ago i had no idea that a year later i would end up here. i hadn’t yet received my acceptance letter and had no idea yet where i would live or how i would get here. had no idea i would be working in the same space, paying for my degree with it, a year after that. thought i’d be in and out of here, but god has a life for me here.
and in one month my mom and i would pack up my car and drive to the middle of the map and she would come inside and meet my new people in whose care she would be leaving me and i would see her off and onward we both would go in love and tears and support and more love.
and i was 13 and 27 and 5 again and i had only once been away from “home” for so long. i tried it ten years ago and then ten years later my mom and god would be launching me into this unknown, awesome and terrifying sea of “this is who you are and who you are becoming and we are going to do this together, all of us.”
god is so good and so kind and when i reflect on my life of his mercy and his grace and his unwavering and truly unconditional love, my heart is full of so much sincere thanks and deep gratitude for where i’ve been and where he has brought me and where i’m headed and, yes, but mostly and most simply for who he is.
you are right where you should be. and if you are not, then get to where you should be. you are not alone and do it afraid if you have to but don’t not do it. and know that he who is the same yesterday, today and forever loves you just the same.
i used to be a regular over at gypsymama’s house on fridays. and then i wasn’t anymore. i’m s l o w l y re-entering the blog-world, so hers is a great place to refresh my soul and hone my writing skills once again. for those who aren’t familiar, gypsy mama throws out a word or phrase and then we all write for five minutes. such an excellent creative writing practice. (today’s word is “reflect”.)
if you’re new here, be sure to visit other bloggers in her neighborhood. you are very likely to find a few hidden treasures over there. xo